somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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