I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
