I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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