WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
