you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
