Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
