i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Couch. On fire.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
