But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
