best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
