it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
