I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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