I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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