Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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