So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
