How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
