I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
