I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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