there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
