He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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