they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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