pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
