There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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