New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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