i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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