she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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