there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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