I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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