hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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