How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
