Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
