i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
