she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
