my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
