but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
