guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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