What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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