he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is it fun? or sober?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
