I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
