trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
