separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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