Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
