I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
