May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
