a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
