I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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