i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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