you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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