It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love you. Go after that dick
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
