Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
