HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
