So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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