So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
