And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
