Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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