We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
