Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
