well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
