it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and she was petting her beer can
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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